(Note: this should’ve been posted around the 19th of June, but I’ve just finished revising it. I’m not totally satisfied, but I can’t wait any longer to get it on the site. Enjoy!)
Be A Goddess week nine is about pride, sex and what you consider holy.
One of the assignments was to answer a list of questions about pride. The goal is to dig deep into some of your stuff to find just what it is that needs working in order to improve.
One of the questions on that list is, “Name one way in which you feel disenfranchised.” What that means is: is there some way that you feel overlooked, oppressed by society? The only thing that came to my mind is the fact that my state still doesn’t allow gay people to get married. The only time I feel “disenfranchised” by that is when I think about it. Most of the time, I have to say that I don’t feel very overlooked or oppressed because of my sexual orientation. I have occasionally been out in public and felt a bit of a stare, but not often. Usually, though, if anyone stares its because they want me, not because they hate me. (No, I’m not fooling myself – I really meant that. I’ve had married dudes sitting with their wives or girlfriends in a restaurant to steal a secret moment to wink and smile at me.)
Another question is, “What do you take pride in?” The short answer is: all of my accomplishments, which includes surviving childhood and young adulthood to become a grown up with some fucking moxy and a life I can be proud of. (I know grammatically incorrect – fuck it.) I survived having to financially provide for both myself and my paranoid schizophrenic mother. I survived high school dealing with her sitting up screaming at the walls at night. I survived that. Me. Just me. I survived coming out to her, I survived being brainwashed by a right-wing cult, I survived the devastating deaths of several friends and family members. I’m proud of that, by fuck, yes I am. I also survived nursing school and the drama of having my Certified Nurse Assistant registration snatched out from under me due to false pretenses. I survived that shit. And not only am I making money and have a job that isn’t in nursing now, but I’m making more money per annum than I would be as a nurse. Like, at least $4,000 more annually than an entry level Licensed Practical Nurse in my state. Why? Cause and effect (not Karma, but that’s another post). I have a home, a car, a job, a partner, all the sex I could ever want, food, clothes, money, you name it. If I want it, I’m likely to go for it. I’M GAY – I take pride in that, too. And I’M A WITCH. And yes, I’m fucking proud of that, too!
There are also questions about sex to answer. But those answers are far too personal even for me to share here. I’m an open book, but some deep-seated issues are too uncomfortable to publicize, and there are a few things I still need to work on in the area of sex. As much as I love it – especially with random strangers – I can’t share a lot about it. Yes, I was taught some falsehoods about men and sex, and women and sex. Yes, I believe there are moral stringencies that are imposed by society that keep people from having genuinely happy sex lives (including this false need for monogamy). One of the questions, though, is: “What would you like your sex life to be like?” And honestly, my answer to that was: random stranger sex, fucking and sucking with wild abandon and no fear of consequence. (Except that I do have a fear of consequence – as in fear of contracting a fatal sexually transmitted disease – and I think it’s a healthy fear, so there’s no way I’m giving up on safe sex, and won’t be trying to get rid of that fear now or in the future.)
After finding things interfering with being proud and finding something interfering with a happy sex life (all by answering the lists of questions), the idea was to cleanse oneself of it. We’ve already used an Earth Purification Rite, which I still use on a regular, but this chapter focuses on a Water Purification Rite. Which – you guessed it – is a spiritual bath. And that’s fine. It’s actually just a bath in your tub to which you’ve added a cupful of Basil tea. (Yes, Basil. It purifies.)
There was no regular weekly assignment associated with the chapter, primarily because there’s still stuff from previous chapters that the student should be working on. I am, but slowly. As you can see, I skipped a posting week for this. But I’m catching up now. 🙂