Fuck Heteronormativity – Witch in the 'Burbs

Fuck Heteronormativity

So Robin Artisson (a fave author of mine) did a piece on how modern Wiccans were so upset with a particular show. The television show, believe it or not, was True Blood, a good vampire piece, which is also a favorite series of mine.

The problem was that several modern Wiccans were all distraught over one particular season of the show. In the season, Marnie, a modern Wiccan type with a group, was possessed by an ancient Witch, named Antonia.

Antonia was, shall we say, “less than savory,” to modern Wiccans. Apparently, they were all up in arms over how the show portrayed Witches.

Robin Artisson, in his piece rebutting the ridiculousness of these Wiccans’ issues, wrote:

They are, in fact, revising history to suit them and their personal religious industries, and calm down their neighbors. They are fighting a war for positive public opinion, and the truths of history are always the first casualty of that war.

And Robin is spot-the-fuck-on with this observation.

Unfortunately, it applies to more than just Witchcraft. The statement can be rephrased thusly:

They are, in fact, revising history to suit them and their personal ideals about marriage, and calm down their neighbors. They are fighting a war for positive public opinion, and the truths of history are always the first casualty of that war.

What do I mean by rephrasing this statement? It has nothing to do with Witchcraft, but the fight for marriage equality. (My rephrasing does ~ not Robin’s original statement.)

I am absolutely supportive of everyone’s right to marry. I want all people to be able to be legally recognized for their commitment to their partner, regardless of gender or sexual orientation or preference. But I don’t think it is necessarily for me, personally.

My partner and I are in an open relationship for some very specific reasons, which we’ve had long, arduous conversations over. We thought very thoroughly through many details and possible consequences of being in an open relationship. We had lots of discussions on it. And that was long before we decided to pursue it. So our choice is well-made. And the results are more closeness and intimacy for the two of us as a couple when we’re together without another sexual participant.

Would being legally recognized as a “married couple” change that? Probably not. But we would not run out and get married in order to please the masses if it were to become legal in our state. Why? Simply put: the state doesn’t have to recognize us for us to be legitimate. We’re already here. We’re already in a relationship that has overcome cheating, lies and financial obstacles (unlike most hetero relationships, which would end at the first sign of any of these things going wrong). Our relationship spans a decade without having been recognized legally ~ that piece of paper wouldn’t make one fucking bit of difference to either of us. Our strength ~ the strength of our relationship ~ doesn’t come from public recognition. It comes from the fact that ain’t no other mother fucker gonna stick with the two of us like each of us has! (And we communicate ~ that’s KEY).

So what do I mean by rephrasing Robin’s statement? Simply this:

Those people who all want you to think that they deserve a piece of paper from the state because of their “good behavior” are just trying to be heteronormative. They want to feel accepted by the heteros. And to do that, they need to revise history. Our community ~ from the Radical Fairies to Gay Pride ~ has nothing to do with being accepted by heteros. It has to do with celebrating our non-conformity, the fact that we’re not hetero. And the history of the gay community in general has, indeed, been revised to attempt to win positive public opinion about gay people.

Historically, we had committed relationships, for sure. But also historically, we fucked (or got fucked by) random strangers in the park at night because we needed some sex. Historically, we partnered up and shared our finances. But also historically, we cruised adult bookstores to hookup with random dudes, or fucked in back rooms at gay dance clubs.

Let’s not forget the truths that make us gay. Let’s hold on to the fact that we are not heteronormative people. We are people who are wild and free and full of life. We are people who aren’t afraid to communicate our sexual needs to our partners and live in a free, open relationship. We are people unafraid to put on costumes, impersonate the opposite gender and dance on a stage purely for good entertainment and campy humor. We are people unscathed by the uselessness of having to do it the same way everyone else does it. So why try? Be free.