As you know, I’ve been doing the “back to basics” thing. I’ve been doing a Goddess Immersion Exercise, and it’s going quite well. I’ve also been sitting in the silence, and doing my energy work more often. That’s also going quite well.
But in meditation the other day, the thought just kind of hit me: there are things I know now, that I didn’t know when I started on this path. Some of these things would’ve made it a lot easier to deal with, had they been verbally conveyed to me.
Your Ancestors are the biggest help of all, and Spirits of the Land are second only to Them. Your Ancestors have a vested interest in your success, your fulfillment. They want you to be happy because, at the end of the day, your happiness is fulfillment of their legacy. Spirits of the Land are invested in your success and happiness, too, but only insomuch as you can provide for them. They aren’t your closest kin, per se, but they want you to protect and care for the land as much as they do. And when you do, things can go absolutely swimmingly.
You don’t have to stress over not having a Patron/Matron Deity. I mentioned in a YouTube LiveChat that I used to be a spirit-hopper. I would latch onto the trending spirit of that moment and try working with them. I was in the spirit-of-the-month-club, for sure. But it was stressful on me, and it had to end. I felt like I had to latch onto one set of Gods. Over time, I grew to understand that eclecticism is some hard fucking work – you gotta tend to all these different spirits with different needs and wants, and sometimes at particular times of day or on specific days of the week. So stressful! But when I gave up trying so hard, my Matron and Patron just sort of appeared. So don’t stress not knowing who they are – they’ll come when you’re really and truly ready.
Your greatest knowledge will come from the experience of Rending the Veil. Some people call this crossing the hedge, or walking between worlds, or crossing the abyss. What it really means is that you’ve realized your ability to be in more than one plane of existence at a time – it means you’re both in this world and that, on this side of the veil and in the Otherness, at the same time. You learn to maintain that balance. And your greatest knowledge – your greatest gift of wisdom – comes then, and only then. You cannot unsee what has been seen, as they say.
But even when you attain to that state of being, you’re not perfect. You might become a Teacher one day, but you will always be a Student – never forget that. You will learn things about yourself from random people that you encounter. You will learn things from the Students in your Coven. You will learn things just from conversation with other Pagans. And I mean things that will astound every cell in your being. But you have to be open to being a Student of the Universe. You can’t close that down – because if you do, you’ll suffer.
If you shut down like that, you’re about to go through PHPD. That stands for Psycho High Priest Disorder. And you will alienate some people while in that stage of your growth. But realize, too, that everyone goes through it. Even Solitary Practitioners go through a thing where their way is the only way and no other way is quite as amazing as their way. (Don’t lie, you’ve probably done it already.) But you don’t need to be ashamed of it; flow through it as best you can, because it will eventually end. It always does.
Which means you should know something important: your ego isn’t for transcending, it’s for embracing. Hence the Witch Greetings, “Thou art Goddess,” and, “Thou art God!” But remember: in all things, balance. The Gods have egos, too … but They’re wise enough to keep them in check until it’s time to unleash that shit full-force. In other words: pick your battles wisely.
Running a Coven is not easy, glamorous work. But being part of a Coven Fam is so fucking worth it. Trying to get a schedule together of classes to hold, Sabbats to celebrate, any potential Moon Rites (which I want so desperately to do with my own Coven these days), group outings and social gatherings – all of that stuff is hectic as hell. Plus, you might have to take what you were taught, break it down into a workable curriculum, and figure out how to face a fear of speaking to small groups. I did it. All of that. On my own. But having a Coven Fam – peeps that you know have your back, who won’t hightail it for the hills when the shit hits the fan, and knowing the truth of that concept – so worth it. So. Fucking. Worth it. Chosen Fam is, often times, closer than your living blood relatives.
Some – nay, all – of this stuff, I kinda wish someone would’ve told me ages ago.
But you know, now that I think about it, as a young, snarky kid, I probably wouldn’t have understood this stuff if it was told to me then, anyhow. I knew everything already, as is so often the case with humans that age. I was so full of myself, having just been made a Witch, that I felt like I owned the world.
I did – I just wasn’t as wise about it then. I own the world now. And you do, too. We own the world. We’re Witches. We just have to remember that in all things, we must maintain balance.
Truth be told, the Mysteries aren’t teachable because we’re not ready to hold them in the proper space. We have to grow up, to get a little bit wiser on our own first. And then the time will come when we examine ourselves, and we realize that we have to go back to the stuff we practiced in the beginning, in the new light of what we now know.